The 21st century version of bringing shame to the family



“You will never bring honour to your family!” This famous line from the Disney (seemingly more successful) animation movie, Mulan, echoed in my mind when my mom decided to ask me “when are you going to get married and move out?” casually over drinks one Friday night.

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash


I think what made them ask me such questions was because I have cousins from both sides of the family who had just gotten engaged (my cousin who is a year older than me) and one who is already a mother (my other cousin who is a year younger than me). This made my mom felt like they were losing in a competition to see whose child amongst their siblings finally gets their life sorted out and settled down.


Like come on, what is the rush? I have my whole life till the day I die to settle down (haha).

Photo by Olivia Bauso on Unsplash


Another trigger point that had the my-daughter-needs-to-get-married idea planted in my mom’s brain was probably my fault. But I can’t help it! Many of my schoolmates on my Instafeed were posting beautiful pictures of their engagement and wedding photos. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of them, but meh.


Why don’t I want to get married now (or in the future)? I got no market is it? NO! Marriage isn’t really in my cards because I don’t believe in marriage. It’s just a fancy paper to show that one loves one another.


Being the eldest and the first daughter, I never expected my parents pushing me to move out of the house, because I’m the baby. Thinking back to when I moved out of the country to further my studies, I remember how my family couldn’t actually let me go. No one had to heart to send me off to the airport.


I guess since my family has acknowledged the fact that I don’t intend to get married, the least I can do to not bring shame to the family and show that I had my life in check, was to get a place of my own. Just to put it out there, I love living with my family. I love how I’ll never be left alone with my miserable thoughts and I will always have someone to cook and do my laundry for me (thank you kakak).

In the current economy, (you better be prepared to sell your organs, haha kidding), your salary better be 5 digits before you can even think of looking for a place you can call home. To me, I can only call a place my home when I can properly afford it without being broke by of the month after paying off the bills and supporting my one too many cats. I very much like to live comfortably and within my own means without troubling anyone.


With all of this being said, do I plan on settling down? Yes, I do, just not now.

Marriage will come when it comes and that would probably be when I’m around 40, or at least when I meet Mr. Right (Mr Big, any SATC fans here?) who is on the same wavelength as me and has the right maturity. My own place however, that is a solid work in progress.

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